There are times when I’ve wondered exactly how I became a spiritual counselor.  Besides my ancestry, training, love for spirituality and my desire to help others exactly how did I get here?  It’s simple.  I have trust issues.

For more reasons than I can write here I’ve never been very trusting of other people.  I used to draw people who continually let me down or didn’t seem to value my love, time or attention.  I was often disappointed in other people’s actions and left feeling as if I was the only one who I could count on to accomplish the task at hand.

As you can imagine this can take a toll on a woman.  Eventually, you become paralyzed by your own expectations and to-do list.  Truly, you can’t do everything.  I also found it damaging to my relationships.  If you want to make sure no one will ever be there for you, stop sharing  your true needs with them.  Slowly over time they will forget you have needs of your own.  They will forget to honor your spirit in all the ways that a healthy person needs to be cared for.  They will stop seeing the real you because you have hidden that behind your Super-Woman cape.

If this goes on for long enough you will soon feel isolated in your own life, unable and often unwilling, to allow others to help you with even the small things.  This often looks like control issues.  Every time I hear someone use that overworked term, no matter how true, I now think about the underlying trust that is required to allow people to love and care for you. So many of us have a very difficult time receiving anything and this is centered in our inability to trust.

So I searched for something I could trust.  I read spiritual books, expanded my meditation practice and committed to this path that I have been on since I was a small child.  What I discovered was a vast and exciting Universe.  One that was governed not by the character defects of other people or by a judgmental invisible power but by laws and principles that I could understand.  Through this education and study I found something to trust.

As these principles of the Platinum Rule, Karma, homeostasis, expansion and free will began to simmer down into my spirit something changed.  I did.  My behavior towards others slowly began to transform.  I began to see people more clearly, make better decisions and communicate my own needs with more compassion and clarity.  Knowledge became action.  In short I became more trustworthy myself.

My trust of something greater than myself changed my behavior and I began to have more trustworthy people around me.  This slow transformation in my own life has allowed me to share my talents, in all my affairs, with more grace and humility.  I became less focused on self and more focused on others.  All of these things, these Universal gifts which I have been blessed to seek and receive, have allowed me to become the counselor that I am today.  It was definitely an inside job.

Tomorrow is Beltane.  It is a time for celebration, optimism and a blessing for a strong harvest that will come for us all later in the year.  It is a time to honor the male and female in this world with equal gratitude. My harvest is not a crop of corn but wisdom.  I hope for a harvest that is plentiful so that my table will be full for sharing with others. I’ve never liked to cook just for myself!

Though on the surface it seems as if we are living in troubled times our own spirits are ours to develop. Investing in your spirituality – separate and apart from whatever your religious beliefs may be – can yield gifts that are unimaginable to your current self.  Give it a try.  You might find your trust issues lessening, little by little, like I did.

Namaste