I heard it today and I’ve heard it before but this time was different. “You are worthy because you are here, because you were born.”, said Oprah Winfrey during her last show. Now remember that I’ve been listening lately to Tibetan Buddhist master Khen Rinpoche lecture on the idea of the precious, perfect human birth. The idea that just being born human, anywhere near the time of the Buddah and near the Dharma teachings makes your birth special. Not, oh-your-a-chosen-one special but a look-at-what-a-gift-life-is special.
Now a few weeks later I hear Oprah, queen of daytime television, say basically the same thing. That I’m alive for a purpose, that I have a calling and I’d best be about getting busy working on it.
I know these things to be true and I know my calling. It’s to help others and walk the talk for myself. It’s to study the Dharma, the teachings of Buddha and transmit those lessons through my actions. To do my best to translate those teachings into regular day to day terms for those who are interested and infuse my technology work with their essence even when no one is noticing. More than anything it is to transmute spiritual energy into actions and experiences that other people can feel and hold on to in this life, to be one of many anchors for all the positive energy that is to come. I am blessed that I feel I know my purpose and that I’m able to carry it with me through everything that I do. But worthy? Oh that word is so loaded with meanings, and not all of them are welcome.
I know I am deserving – after all I work hard and do good things on behalf of others. I know I am smart – my technically challenging job and ability to smoothly communicate difficult things proves that. I know I am kind, though sometimes that kindness is dripping in truths that people would rather ignore. But somehow, deep inside of me there is still a little girl who doesn’t think she’s good enough. And that, dear friends, is the root cause of my often unbalanced life.
I am making great strides at finding balance. I’m leaving work during the day, getting back to my exercise schedule and taking time to write again. Each time I do something good for myself in this way I am telling that little girl that she is worthy of all the love this Universe is blessing her with.
After all, the first person I have to take care of with the deepest love, affection and tenderness is myself. I hope you all are doing the same.