Before and After

Everything in my life lately has boiled down to before and after. Before my Father died in December and after. It’s not that I’m a different person now, though I am. It’s not that this was a seminal event in my life, though it was. I find that my mental and emotional landscape has changed. Interspersed with the grief and anger I feel more forgiving, more centered and also more open now that he has passed on.

My expectations of this life have changed. He and I were never close. The relationship I had with him was centered in my own head, not in reality. But through the course of amazing events I now have a much larger family and a different understanding of his difficulties than I had before.  I can now see him through the eyes of my sisters and brothers and this make an immense difference.

Forgiveness is meaningful to me when it is not a theory but has a measurable effect on my actions. This father’s day I will honor his memory by living and loving from a space of compassion.  I will show up for those that I care about and attempt to turn a heart wrenching situation into something that transcends the past.  This father’s day I will thank him for the gifts he gave me and leave the rest behind.

Now that he rests in peace, in an odd way, so can I.


Posted in Dealing with Difficulty, Grief and Loss, Life Strategies.